“When I was leaving my home, I kissed each wall and said to myself: ‘Will I be able to return here again’?”

“Before the Taliban takeover of Afghanistan, I experienced heavy war in Helmand, which robbed us of our home and freedom. We left our home (my widowed mother, two younger brothers, my 8-year-old sister and I) and went to a nearby district to escape.  

We spent more than two weeks there until finally on 13 August, after weeks of fighting, Helmand’s main city of Lashkar Gah fell to the Taliban.  

When the Taliban took power, there were rumours that they would forcibly marry single girls and take them away as their slaves. This news [deeply] disturbed my mother and I and we decided to move to Kabul, and then to any other country.  

During these days, the Taliban started going home-to-home, searching. My mother asked me to burn all the documents, certificates and cards that proved that I was a journalist or activist.  

This was not the end. I had a small library, which meant a lot to me. This small library was my medicine and peace of mind. I was not able to take all my books with me and I believed that if I left them the Taliban would ruin them all, so I decided to give them to a book shop. When I talked to a bookshop-owner to see if I could send some books and magazines, he said: ‘Oh sister, we are worried for our remaining books, and you are sending more.’ I told him we were leaving Helmand and they would be safe in his shop. He could even give them away without charging his customers.  

We tried to leave the country, but it was impossible to go with all our family members because our travel [would have cost a large sum], and our financial condition was not such that we could afford the expense.  

After spending more than one year [in Kabul], we returned to Helmand and are now spending our days and nights in a dark and unknown future. Now I am at home all the time and doing nothing, because all doors have been closed for women and girls and we are living in a cage where we cannot even breathe.”