“Three of my sons became victims of Afghanistan’s internal wars”

“I’m a 45-year-old woman who, at the age of 15, was forced into marriage by my family. We had four sons and one daughter. But I lost my husband in the wars when my daughter was a baby and my eldest son was 7. After marriage, I fell in love with my husband and became so dependent on him that living without him seemed unbearable.

I raised my five children by earning an income working in people’s homes and baking bread in blazing ovens during the cold winter, all to send my children to school and, later, university.

Because my sons were patriotic, they made a joint commitment to serve their country, joining the ranks of the National Police Force of the Islamic Republic of Afghanistan.

Two years had passed since my eldest son began his military service when, one day, I was awakened by an ambulance siren, feeling an inexplicable anxiety. When the ambulance stopped at my doorstep, there was a knock. As I opened the door, I saw two officers with a coffin [as in Afghanistan, ambulances and similar vehicles also transport the deceased], and I went into shock on the spot. My eldest son had become a martyr and was in the coffin still in his blood-stained clothes.

After my son’s funeral, his grave became my second home, where I spent most of my days.

Then, six months later, I received news that my second son had been wounded in Farah Province. Hearing this, my world turned upside down. I rushed to the hospital, searching every room for him. Then, in the hospital courtyard, I found my brother with his head hung. When I asked what had happened, he told me my son had also gone to paradise alongside his brother. I couldn’t stand it anymore and I fainted. In the space of six months, I lost two of my sons.

A week later, my youngest son decided to enlist in the army. It was during the fall of the Republic, and the war had escalated. Despite the turmoil, my youngest son was eager to avenge his brothers. He joined the front lines in the Gozara region of Herat and sacrificed his life.

Now, I only have a 23-year-old daughter and a 19-year-old son left. My son has finished his school and works in a mechanical workshop to provide food for the family. My daughter was studying economics in university when the Taliban banned girls from such studies. She’s now suffering from deep depression, sometimes crying out loud and wishing to die, which makes me suffer because I cannot help her. I want to take her to a psychologist, but I don’t have the money.

I’m really worried for my both my children. I had dreamed of a better life for them.