“We had to eliminate the colours from our life when everything had gone black and white”

Sabera

Former journalist and university student

More than a dozen women shrouded in burqas sit in a room.

“I used to work as a multimedia journalist while simultaneously pursuing my university studies [in journalism]. However, on the night of 15 August 2021, my world came crashing down and I lost three significant international contracts. A mere week later, I found myself deprived of these crucial life opportunities. At that moment, I felt as if everything had shattered, and my world had crumbled to pieces.

The ban on girls attending schools and universities added to the despair. When my sister learned of this discouraging news, she broke down in the hallway and cried as if she had lost everything she held dear. I remember clearly how she was on her knees, deeply crying beyond words. But I was helpless and could do nothing about it.

I began to suffer sleepless nights, plagued by the awareness of how inconsequential one could feel within their own country. It was a period that led me to wish that I were not a girl and could have been someone who met their end in a suicide bombing, as that felt like the only way to escape the unbearable situation. We had to eliminate the colours from our life when everything had gone black and white.

On my first day back at university following its reopening [in March 2022], I found myself dressed in a burqa, draped in a tent-like covering and wearing a black mask. Despite my personal preferences, these measures were enforced by the Taliban. As I made my way towards the classroom, I held onto the hope that our studies could resume and that everything would return to normal. My heart was filled with optimism.

However, my enthusiasm was abruptly halted when a female member of the Taliban approached me and demanded that I stop. She said: ‘You girls have messed up everything.’ This Taliban member was also a woman. She continued to insult me and speak harshly, without pause, saying: ‘You defile everything you step on. Everything!’ I asked the woman, ‘Why?’ and she replied, ‘When you walk, why does the lower part of your burqa remain open?’ I noticed her pointing to the edge of the burqa below my knees.

Her words left me shocked, and my legs felt numb. I returned home with a heavy heart, saying to myself, ‘Nothing has been made right. Nothing at all!’

[After female students were again banned from studying in universities in December 2022,] my most fervent wish is for the doors of schools and universities to be opened to girls again. They have an undeniable right to education and freedom, because they are people with their own dreams and hopes.”

“I see these challenges as opportunities to grow and become stronger”